


Interview Redux

by helsinkibaby



Category: The West Wing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-01-03
Updated: 2008-01-03
Packaged: 2018-02-13 11:10:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2148474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helsinkibaby/pseuds/helsinkibaby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ainsley talks to CJ during "Requiem"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Interview Redux

I follow CJ along the halls of the West Wing, making small talk about the Hoover Institute and the day we’ve all had. I’m concentrating so hard on what I’m saying to her, keeping my voice casual and not falling apart, that I don’t realise that we aren’t heading towards her office. By the time I realise that we are, in fact, heading towards her office, but that her office isn’t where it used to be, we’re standing at the door, and I’ve had no time to prepare myself.

Because as far as I’m concerned, I’m not walking into CJ’s office.

I’m walking into Leo’s.

I stop at the threshold, just at Margaret’s desk, and I’m very thankful that there’s no-one in the outer office. I’m sure that what little colour was there has now vanished from my face, and from the way my vision is blurring, there’s no way I can hide my tears. Dimly, I’m aware that CJ has stopped speaking whilst in the middle of a sentence, and I hear her say my name gently. Taking a deep breath, I close my eyes, and when I open them again, she’s looking at me with more sympathy than I can bear. “You need a minute?” she asks me softly, and I shake my head, gulping in another deep breath.

“I’m ok,” I tell her, though I’m patently not, and I take another step towards Leo’s – CJ’s – office. Once at the threshold, I have to take another deep breath before I step inside, and when I do, when I look around, my head spins again.

The walls are a different colour, and the paintings are different. The desk is against the opposite wall, and it’s far neater than Leo’s ever was. There’s a fishbowl on the desk, more pictures than there used to be, and overall, there are enough differences to make it seem like I’m not in Leo’s office any more.

But that couch that I used to fall asleep on is still where it was, and the chair he used to sit on is still in its place against the window, and as my eye falls upon it, I can picture him sitting there and I miss him so much it physically hurts. I close my eyes again, and when I open them, CJ is sitting behind the desk, giving me what seems to be an understanding smile.

“If it helps,” she tells me, “I still think of it as his office too.”

Despite myself, I laugh, closing the door behind me. “I haven’t been here since I left the White House,” I say, sitting down in the chair opposite her. “I was expecting your old office I guess…”

CJ looks contrite. “I’m sorry,” she says. “I should have thought…”

Waving my hand, I cut her off. “You’ve had other things on your mind.”

“We all have.” CJ sighs, looking briefly across at the chair beside the window. “How are you holding up?”

I shrug, unsure of what to say. Do I tell her that I’ve spent the last three days bursting into tears at the slightest provocation? That I haven’t had a full night’s sleep since I heard the news? Or do I lie, tell her that everything is just wonderful?

Evidently, she takes my silence as answer enough. “I’m sorry,” she says. “That was a ridiculous question.”

“No,” I tell her. “It’s just… you’re the first person to ask me that.” Her features show surprise, and I remind her, “It’s not like a lot of people knew… we thought it was just the people who really needed to know.”

Which pretty much limits it to the President and Senior Staff and suddenly I realise how crazy that sounds, and wonder how we could have been so naïve. CJ seems to agree, because she raises one eyebrow, and the ghost of a smile passes her lips. “You did realise you worked in _this_ White House?” she asks, and I do my best not to let painful memory show on my face. She’s got no way of knowing that that phrase featured heavily in the conversation the first time I had a job interview in this office.  
_  
“Did you say offer me a job?”_

_“Yes. Associate White House counsel. You'd report to the Deputy White House Counsel, who reports to the White House Counsel, who reports to me.”_

_“I'm sorry... A job in this White House?”_

_“You want a glass of scotch?”_

_“Yes, please.”_

God, I’d love a glass of scotch right now.

“It does seem rather far-fetched,” is all I will admit, and CJ smiles, for real this time.

“We all knew,” CJ tells me. “We just didn’t want to know.”

“I appreciate your discretion.”

We share another smile, another glance at the empty chair by the window. “So,” CJ says, shaking herself, “You’re here about a job.”

“Yes,” I nod, sitting up straight, my hands pressed tightly together. “White House Counsel.”

CJ tilts her head. “Josh is the one you want to talk to about this,” she points out. “And I’m sure he’ll be here later on…”

I shake my head, because Josh Lyman is one person I’ve been avoiding all day. “Josh would never listen to me CJ, you know that. You must know how he felt about Leo and me…” Because once people had found out, some had said nothing, a few had been downright hostile. Josh, fearful of scandal, had been one of the latter group.

“He’s going to want to know why you want this job.”

I smile. “It’s White House Counsel CJ… you don’t think Josh will find that reason enough?”

“Not when you’re a Republican. It’s one of Josh’s little quirks.”

I meet her gaze, unblinking, seeing the challenge held there. Somehow, I get the feeling it’s not only Josh who wants an answer to that question. “It is my reason CJ… partly. I loved working in the White House… and not just because Leo was here. I didn’t leave because I wanted to… I left because it was too awkward to work with Leo after we split up. Neither of us wanted to, you know… but with the MS announcement, and the scrutiny… we didn’t want anyone using us to hurt the President. I’ve been in private practice, and the move to the Hoover Institute… well, I don’t know what I was thinking there.” I realise suddenly that I’m walking around; I don’t even remember standing up. “Lately, we’ve been talking… Leo and me… were talking I mean… and he was telling me about Matt Santos, and their plans, and he was so excited CJ…” There are tears in my eyes now, and in CJ’s too. “And now he’s not here anymore, but I am… I am, and I can help. I want to help.” I’m crying now, and I wipe my eyes impatiently. I’ve cried too much in the last seventy-two hours. I’m sick of crying.

“Me too.” Only when I realise that CJ is standing beside me, handing me a handkerchief, do I figure out that I spoke the last bit out loud.

Wiping my eyes, I look up at her, doing my best to smile. “Will you help me CJ?”

She nods. “I’ll talk to Josh.”

“Thank you.” I mean it from the bottom of my heart, because if anyone can convince Josh, it’s CJ Cregg.

“You’re welcome,” she says, and I don’t miss her over-the-shoulder glance towards the window. “Come on,” she says. “I think we could both do with a drink.”

I follow her out, but not before looking over my shoulder. I fancy that I can see Leo sitting in his chair, smiling at me.

“Goodbye,” I whisper, and he vanishes from sight.  



End file.
